


Love's Desire

by Lector_J



Category: The End of the Affair (1999)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-10-01 17:17:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20348308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lector_J/pseuds/Lector_J
Summary: A no-nonsense monograph about one man's journey with a beautiful girl.





	Love's Desire

They stood there completely naked, in the bathtub hugging and kissing.  
He embraced her and peered down over her shoulder. Her back was curvy-linear and slender, with a sensual groove running down the centre. He ran his hands down her sides and rested his arms around her waist. Tightening slightly, her warm skin pressed against his.  
She complained he was not kissing passionately enough. He shoved his tongue down her throat. Her lips yielded soft and welcoming. She smiled and giggled.  
Then he woke up, feeling rather disappointed, unsure how to interpret the dream.

The physical actions could be a sign of deeper meaning and significance, a sign of his desire and knowledgeable love for her. If not yet true love, he wanted to grow their connection, deepening their trust and understanding of one another.

He enjoyed her company very much. Probably a little more than she'd like him to though, he thought. He was invited to come along and accepted. He followed attentively as she led him on her path of discovery. He found himself at first intrigued, and then drawn in, gently touched by her gracefulness. He became an incurable aficionado of her genre. He was, and remained, smitten. Doing it in real life with her was his living dream.

Then came Sentierum, Herculane, the Scilly Isles, Carnatium, the Danover, ... He cherished all of their adventures. And each time he looked forward to the time when the next journey of discovery would be closer than the last. On his growing list were Kings' Crossing, Canals of the Moon and Venusian Cycleaway. Plus one day, he wanted to go to Iceroma with her. Did she have any additions, he wondered.

I_ was invited to come along and accepted. I followed her path of discovery. I found myself at first intrigued, and then drawn in. Gently touched by her gracefulness. I was, and still am, smitten. A self-confessed incurable aficionado of her genre. Doing real-time with her is my living dream. Yes I do enjoy her company. Very Much. Probably more than she'd like me to though. Yet, she stays by my side, perhaps she needs me? The never-ending story continues to unfold._

When they would finally meet up again this November it would be six long months since he last saw her. It had already been 4 months now. That's far too long, his inner voice protested. All this time passed between seeing her again was just dragging on and on like a dog.

He didn't know what to do now. At first she had caught his imagination. Then when they had met and spent quality time together it had only made it stronger. Obviously, it would have been crazy to start a long distance relationship, he had told himself. It would have made being apart so much harder.

Now he realized not a single day went by that he didn't think of her. Despite trying not to, she just keep coming back. And then bouncing. That had been a constant since day one. But it seemed that no amount of reasoning in the cold light of day could stop him from missing her and wanting her. He yearned for her constantly. She had blown a hole right through his defenses. And they were certainly tough enough.

Yes, physical intimacy would have made being apart so much more difficult. But was that really true, his conscience discretely whispered to him. Really, he reasoned, following the delicate wisp of a notion as it slowly deliberated into a full train of thought. And what difference would that really have made? He began to suspect that it was just an excuse. The real truth was, he wasn't ready for her. And he still wasn't sure if he was ready even now. Indeed, maybe he never would be. _Because I like you just the way you are, in your completely natural state, he thought. I'm too fearful that you could become spoiled by the wrong sort of involvement with me._ Presently, he felt he was being just a little presumptuous. After all, she wasn't some kind of weakling who wouldn't stand up to his scrutiny. No, once again his conscience told him, it was the other way around. She was in fact very strong and in no way would she ever put up with any of his weakness. He knew he had to change considerably if he ever wanted to feel truly worthy of her. Until then, he would simply not trust himself not to mess up again. He had come a cropper on his last foray into love's minefield, which had left him with a few gremlins to clear up. He had to figure out where and how he had gone so ghastily wrong. The wounds needed time to heal and the scars reminded him of the lessons which needed to be learnt. Until then, he simply wouldn't have the necessary inner confidence to see them both through.

His reflections disintegrated away into a quiescent meditation. Outside the window the sun's disk lazily emerged from behind a passing cloud. The blind focused the beams into a soft, gleaming patch on his desktop, just beside the bookcase. He warmed to the thought of how comfortable they were becoming with one another. He deeply yearned to be known and understood by this one special person. It belied not just the level of depth of his trust in her, but also of his concern for her well being. He wanted the best for her with all his heart.

He knew his intentions would be free from selfish desires when he started putting her needs above his own. He would always be present when she needed him, however inconvenient that might be for him. He would quietly apply his inner strength, giving of himself and wholly taking care of her, in mind, heart, body and soul.

He resolved to understand her and to be understood by her, and for each to use that knowledge and desire for the good of the other.

The quality of his life would feed the quality of the relationship. He woud not expect to get something out of it for himself; he wanted to give. He was goal-oriented if he could find something which he thought would be worth pursuing. He would work hard to achieve something which could improve his lifestyle and feed his appetite. He was not a slave to his emotions and had no vices. He practiced self-control when necessary, did not fear accountability, and practiced healthy habits rather than any destructive behavior. His virtues were honesty, courage, prudence, temperance, humility, thoughtfulness, kindness, empathy and generosity. They were qualities which attracted quite a few women. But he was often lazy and impatient, as if he lacked faith and imagination, or optimism, he wasn't quite sure which. He would simply give up and loose interest if he thought his efforts weren't going to generate the kinds of returns he was looking for.


End file.
